…but I don’t journal?

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The romance vs. the reality

Photo by Luca Onniboni on Unsplash Crazily enough, this Corona looks exactly like the one I bought used but can’t get to work.

Since I was quite young I have loved the idea of The Writer. The typewriter, the pen, the journal with the amazing revelations. As time passed and the internet age entered in, more and more content was directed to the best “how” of journaling in all its iterations — blogging, diaries, record keeping.

It was all so very spiritual or zen or whatever. It was so mysterious. I listened to many people (bless YouTube) and learned many Very Good Things.

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that I couldn’t maintain even the methods I loved! Was I a failure? A person incapable of deep thought? Was I doomed to be unhealthy mind, body, spirit, and soul forever and ever and ever and …

And then life royally kicked me in the butt. It left bruises on everything. It killed the creative part of me (or so I believed).

I retreated. I did Really Stupid and Personally Damaging things. I coped the best I could, but the one thing that helped most was journaling. And I suddenly had the time to do it because I had no choice in the matter.

It was not romantic.

It was a cat being given a bubble bath per force, claws out, fighting every step of the way even while I was feeling incrementally better. I hate to imagine who I marked, who I made bleed (metaphorically, of course, but isn’t that WORSE?). But slowly I healed.

The only reason it worked because I had a partner: Holy Spirit with me every step of the way. My God-given imagination helped me see that Jesus was right by me, giving me that hug, just a gentle hand on mine when I was desperately alone. And that is what I am here to encourage. The not-pretty conversations we have with God.

Cry ugly like no one’s watching

I decorated this particular Bible as it had a fabric-over-board cover. It was a peaceful process — I can’t make myself color over text inside, though many people do wonderful art in their Bibles.

So what does journaling look like if it doesn’t look pretty? What if those beautiful Italian leather journals are a bit out of range (ok, a lot out of range)? What if new journals terrify you with their blankness?

I started out with a Bible. I had marked my Bible for years, but I began to write what Holy Spirit was sharing with me. Just little notes of “ideas that suddenly popped in my head.” A few words about an aha moment. I started dating them when I realized I would find a passage over and over again - when did I write that note?

I found cheap little notebooks that would fit in my bag (I know guys who get little spiral notebooks that fit in their pockets). And then I threw out the rules. I wrote what I needed to write. I got stuff out of my head.

Upset? Spiraling out of control into the depths of the deceiver’s lies? Wrote that vitriol. And them when I recovered myself, tore it out and threw it away.

See a blessing? Jotted it down wherever. I would find an old journal half filled, partially used, or whatever, and I would just start using that one. Not for long dissertations full of wisdom and life. It started becoming simple conversations with God. I could dream big. I could write notes from a video that was speaking to me, a book, a conversation with a friend. Educational? Spiritual? I scribbled it down.

Then I found undated, inspiring (to me) guided journals and magazines with journaling space. And I loved them, and they changed everything. I used those and everything else I was writing in and I copied out verses. I even copied out short devotionals I had read. I found that this act helped to solidify ideas in my head. The act of writing helped me process things, and since no one was reading this stuff, I could add my notes in anywhere I wanted to! I used colored pens because I could and it made me happy to do so.

In short, journaling became a bit of artistic expression for me! Doodles, random finds from just about anywhere.

Margins, disorganization, and yet still

Photo by Jan Kahánek on Unsplash. I’ve gotten so that I do not mind the blank page, but sometimes I want more!

I’m not plugging my own journal here, but I am saying that I sat down to create it for two major reasons.

First, it was pretty clear it was what Holy Spirit was asking me to do. That was the first time I had really focused on trying to understand what He wanted me to do in my creativity.

Second, I couldn’t find what I wanted in a guided journal.

I LIKE photography and the natural world. Drawing or painting? Yes, please (though this one doesn’t have a lot of that). Undated? Oh, yes!

I find it distressing when I find date-dependent planners or journals in my studio or bedroom or a box — in a place “where I can definitely find them” <can you hear the eye roll?> — months or years after they expired.

So yes, definitely not dated. I wanted it all: color (photography or art, I am not particular! Combine them! Sounds good to me!) AND connection to Holy Spirit. Connection to Papa God.

In my journey, NO healing would have taken place without that connection. And my messy, unstructured, unruly jotting that focused on Him and Us? That was everything. And I wanted to share that.

So now I’m reviewing more of my old journals and notes. I know I have tons of notes out there. Will it be an exercise for me alone? Are there things I should be using to inspire what comes next? I have no idea, but I’m In the Margins looking!

Tiny tips

Trying to figure out how to “hear” from God?

Pray before reading the Bible, asking God to show you what you need to know and understand when you read — those sudden popping ideas and aha’s are most likely Holy Spirit!

Psalm 116:12-14 in my Holman Christian Standard Bible (the She Reads Truth one). I came back to this more than once in close succession! To me a clear signal that I need to pay attention — sharing the amazing things God does in our lives is essential!

Don’t have a Bible? or space in your Bible?

YouVersion is online and an app for your phone with every version of the Bible you can think of. It is free. It’s what I use when I don’t have my giant tome with me.

I know there are likely other places to find the text of the Bible online or on apps — with the advent of AI, I do caution that you are confident in the material and do not rely on AI search results <shudder>.

Photo by Lexy Taefu on Unsplash. Not a horrible idea to use post-its. They’re often given away as a business marketing tool, so if you don’t mind a hotel name or local garage advertisement, you have much more journaling space!

And what to write on?

Spiral notebooks? (Start of school year sales are lovely for that here in the United States.) Composition books. You can even use books that have been tossed out, or create your own book with folded paper. Anything goes, really.

But I can’t even start!

Oh, I start with, “Good morning, Holy Spirit.” I find it gets me into the right headspace. Reminds me that everything I say or think He knows anyway, so I might as well pour it all out to Him.

Sadly, sometimes that’s all I get to before I get distracted or stop for the day, but it still helps. Even when it’s “Good evening,” or “Good night” and then a bunch of blank lines after that.

He has heard it all. He’s heard worse. I’m not kidding. He has. Seriously.